Dear Dad

Hi Dad,

You’re one of the most selfless humans I have ever met! You always help those that need it. Even though sometimes I don’t think you should. I watched over the years how your family didn’t realize how lucky they should’ve been to have you as a son, or brother. I get upset watching people take you for granted. I don’t know where you found the will to be a fighter, but I’m so thankful you did. I hope you never give up! I’m still not sure how you turned out to be the man you are, but I thank god every day that you did. I watched over the years how you made your way! You took care of us 3 kids, made sure we had whatever it was we needed and wanted. Even if that meant you had to stay at the garage longer. You took such good care of mom when she got sick. Such good care of her I don’t know if I’ll ever find a guy that will do the same for me. You set the standards high. I knew you secretly were lost then, but never once did you show it. That’s the thing I admire about you, you just keep going even when things get tough.
I’m beyond proud to be your daughter. You have shown me nothing, but love even when I know there have been countless times I have been a HUGE pain. Thank you for never giving up on me. For showing me where hard work can take you! For always encouraging me, and my crazy ideas. 
To the man I love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the best you can be. You deserve the world and so much more. Thank you for being my best friend! Thank you for everything! I love you forever, always!

Happy Father’s Day Dad!!

Love always,
Your baby girl 💗

To my second family

Man, I don’t know where to start

Thank you for giving me the best friend a girl could’ve ever asked for. I loved that boy so much, and glad I was apart of his life.

To my sweet Nan

Nan thank you for those long phone calls, at any time of the day that I wanted to talk. For letting me in your home whenever I needed to come. Letting me sit on the back porch with you as I napped, because you knew I loved my sleep. For the random 20s dollars you would slip me on my way out just In case I needed a snack or a drink. Most Importantly for treating me as one of your own.

To Momma Cathy J

My rock!!! Our bond is something many probably don’t understand. From just those little conversation where you were yelling out the side door to me while I was laying in the pool to those long deep texts/calls/talks, we have now. I will forever be thankful that in the dark time’s god lead me to you! Thank you for letting me call whenever I want. Letting me and my friends attend the Jackson family vacations. For all those unique gifts you randomly get me. For spoiling me when you guys don’t need to.

To My Dave

My second dad. My life would be dull without you! From making me taste the weirdest food to getting me to drink the yummiest beers around. For putting up with all us girls on the Jackson family vacation now. For those early mornings that you make those coffee and breakfast runs. Thank you for always bringing me so much laughter, and the best profile pics a girl could ask for. Thank you for keeping me wild! For showing me if I work hard I can retire at the age of 30 🤣Thank you for still making sure I live this life to the fullest.

Happy Fathers Day!!

I watched you go through more than Anyone should ever have to go through. You each still continued to fight.  There are never enough words for me to tell you how much you guys mean to me. You all have such a special place in my heart, and always will. I would be lost without you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me as one of your own. Thank you for everything

Love always,
Your girl

Lacey J

Sending love from Texas

I hope each of you know how much I appreciate each, and every one of you. This year hasn’t been the easiest being so far away from each of you. Each and everyone of you have a special place in my heart. All of you have showered me with nothing but love over the years. You have each taken time out of your busy life to keep checking on me, face-timing me when you have free time, and encouraged me to be where I am today.  I know this growing up, and being apart thing stinks sometimes, but it is crazy how far we have all came in a year.

To my sister..

Over the years we have grown closer, and closer. We have been through it all together LITERALLY. I just want you to know I am so thankful you were the sister I was given.  I watched you grow into this beautiful, caring, strong person. I am so proud to call you my sister.  Mom would be so proud of the daughter, wife, mother, sister, and teacher you turned out to be. I know I am. You have given me two of the best gifts anyone could ask for. ( well one is on the way) There is nothing better than being an aunt. “Because I have a sister, I will always have a friend”

Tara Renee

I am thankful for OG bringing us together. I miss this time last year when we would give away our serving shifts so we could sit around playing guitar hero.. LITERALLY all day. I miss being able to walk down stairs just to annoy you or if cry if I wanted to. You are constantly letting me complain, but always building me up when I need it. I wish I wasn’t a 1000 miles away so we could go back to being dumb together everyday. I am so proud of you for taking on your new job.While you keep working your old one as well. Just don’t work yourself too much.You are so beautiful, caring, loving, and sometimes bratty, but I  wouldn’t have it any other way. Soon we will get to be dumb, and bums together again.

Stina Mari

To my person.  I will forever be grateful you came to the states in 2009. I watched you grow into this amazing, mom, girlfriend, and friend. I am so proud of you for how hard you work, how good of a mother you are to Emrik, and on top of that going back to finish your degree. You are one the most genuine people I have ever met. I am still in ahh that you chose me to be one of your sons god mothers. Its one of the best gifts anyone could have given me.You showed me the love of traveling. I can’t wait until we can finish traveling the world together. I do wish we got more than 2 weeks at time together, but I live for those short times we get to spend together.

Sarah Lynn

Another reason i’ll forever be thankful that og brought us together . You are one of the most genuine, sweet,  and wild humans I have ever met.  The last year I have watched you grow in so many ways. I am so proud to call you my friend. You are killing the mom game, and I would give anything to be able to be there more if I could be.  I love watching you with Charolette. You are so good to her. She is lucky to have you as a momma.You have been through more than anyone should EVER have to go through, but you just keep coming out on top. Like I knew you would. NEVER give up momma. You are so loved..

Alexajo Ann

We have been through so much together. From fighting in high school, to losing friends, and family members. There isn’t  much we haven’t been through together. I honestly wouldn’t have wanted to go through it with anyone else. You always keep me laughing, and I miss spending every night at copperbeech together. You too have grown into one of the most caring, selfless, and beautiful humans I have ever met. Probably the best dog mom I know.  I loved watching you, and JT buy your 1st house together, and make it into your own home.Each kid you teach is lucky to have you as their teacher. As I am beyond lucky you never gave up on me. You’re my forever partner in Crime.

Lauren Kelley

Who would’ve known my senior year I would’ve found my side kick. Our friendship is one of a kind. Your are my favorite sweet frogs date.From day one of our friendship you have always lifted me up. You always know what to say it, and when to say it. I am so proud of the person you are. You are so tough, loving, and sweet. I have never once seen someone work so hard at at school, and I hope you never stop. Just a few more years, and its all going to be worth it. You’ll be free, and getting to do what you love. Thank you for getting me to work at OG because if you didn’t I wouldn’t have met the others, and I wouldn’t have gotten to work with you.

Haley Marie

I will forever be thankful Tara B brought you into my life. Thank you for traveling the world (well at this rate just Mexico)… with me, and for facetiming me almost everyday because you are bored.. haha I wish I still lived close enough so on the warm days we could sit on my back porch and drink wine together again. Thanks for moving me twice this year.. I owe ya one.  I can’t wait until we are in Cancun together being bums next month. You’re are so selfless, loving, and sometimes sassy, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t know how you do the nurse thing, but I am so proud of you for doing it. Thank you for always being down to adventure with me.

 

Emily T.

Emily Tannous over the past few years of working together we have had so many great times together. From trips to Nashville to just downtown Morgantown by ourselves together. It literally has never been a dull moment.I remember the first day I saw you at work I thought I can’t be friends with her she looks mean. haha I thought sooo wrong. You are so kind, loving, and wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. I am so proud of you for going back to school I know you are going to do awesome. I can’t wait to come home to see you!

Eth

You have been my longest friend. We have butted heads, and I am sure we will again in this life time. We fight like we are brother and sister. Sometimes it feels like we are. We lost touch for a little while, but I am so glad we picked right back up. You are one of a kind, and I’ll never find a friend like you in anyone else. I miss being roomies, and you messing with me just to get me fired up. I love seeing you doing your thing in Cleveland, and love getting calls from you during the week.

I don’t tell you all enough how thankful I am for you. I know we all get busy, and I am sometimes bad with the phone, but I hope you know I think so much of each of you. Thank you for the support that you all constantly give me. For keeping me laughing, and a smile on my face. Thank you for always being my friends, and for never giving up on me. Thank you for being you! You each deserve the world, and some.You will always have a friend in me. I miss you, and I love you so much!!

Sending love from Texas,

Lacey J

 

I am 1 in 5

It has been a little over a year since I last wrote.  A little over a year ago I was mentally drained.  For 5 years I avoided getting help. The way the depressed mind works is hard to describe. The anxiety is REAL. I thought I was too young to be depressed, and that it was just a phase. In denial to say the least. I thought a few months from now I would be out of the funk. Man, did I think wrong. The tragic loss of my mother, best friend,  a few friends, and losing the guy I fell for did its number on me. Feeling like a lost  25 year old.  I was doing nothing with my life, and I had no idea what I even wanted to do.  I was to the point I didn’t want to do anything.  I contemplated  every day if I really needed my job, because I would rather sleep my day away.  I lost the part of me that wanted to adventure, and I had NO desire to surround myself with those I cared for. Which in my everyday life was not normal. Those who know me know the love I have for those around me, and the love I have for traveling.. It is what I lived for. Most people never even had the slightest clue that I felt this way. Nor did I ever have intentions of letting them know. Until one day I found my self writing on here.

There Comes a Time When You Must Accept You Are Not Ok

The question is when is this point? This point is different for everyone.  I truly believe we all deal with everything differently.  Bare with me. I’m terrible at writing. I’m 25, and I’m not ok.  I’m happy, but I’m not.  It’s so hard to put into words.  The past 5 years of my life have been a roller coaster ride.  I have been dealing with depression, and today is the first time I’ve decided to talk about it.

This is how it started

Two days after my 20th birthday, as I held my mother’s hand, I watched her take her last breath. Cancer Sucks.  A day filled of anger, agony, frustration, confusion, and tears.  Which turned into weeks, then months…then to years. The pain just came in waves. That was the first year I dealt with depression, but refused to seek help. I swore one day I wouldn’t feel like that anymore. The pain would go away. The piece of me that left that day would come back.  Little did I know then I would never be complete again.

To my beautiful mother, I keep going for you.  I know you are no longer in pain, and I cherish every memory I had with you. I just wish you were here.  I would give everything to have you back. I live for you, but right now I am not ok.

Three years later my life came crashing down. I woke up in a hotel room to several missed calls. Missed calls confirming news I never wanted to hear. My best friend, the guy I grew up with, spent almost every weekend with, in fact should’ve been at the concert with me that previous night was no longer here. My heart-felt like it had just been ripped from my chest that morning. The guy I thought was going to be there my whole life was gone.

To my best friend, I enjoyed your existence more than you probably thought. This life thing is hard without you. I just wish we could’ve gotten more time together. Forever you’ll be my best friend.

Believe me it got hard to keep going after this.

In denial I still would’ve told you I was just fine. I really wasn’t, but so many people admired me for coming off strong. I just couldn’t let them down. It took me sitting on a mountain in Norway with my best friend to realize I was in a bad place. Well it took me hearing her concerned voice to realize I wasn’t ok. The me that everyone had grown to love was putting a show on daily. The heart that had so much love to give everyone, was secretly hollowed out.

To my sweet best friend, thank you for showing me nothing but unconditional love, (which means everything). You are truly an amazing, beautiful, caring, and loving, human. I’m lucky to have you, and I hope you know how much I love you!!

Over the past few years I have truly learned who was going to stay, and who wasn’t. I lost friends that I have had almost my entire life. Over me trying to find that happiness I had been missing. They just didn’t understand me anymore. They didn’t understand how the depressed mind worked. How there were certain decisions in my life that I needed to make for me, that I needed to make to try to make the pain go away.

To those friends, I’m sorry life took us down different paths, but I’m thankful for the time we got together.  I hope you all get everything you deserve, and some.

I have since then lost the guy I thought could’ve been the one. The guy I thought was everything under the sun.  A guy that I lost once, but thought I was going to get a chance with this time around. To only realize I was only around until someone better came along. The moment I heard those words come out of his mouth.  “You won’t fulfill me forever. You aren’t the first and last thing I think of every day.”  My world came crashing down. The final piece of my heart shattered.  It was another hole to the heart. I was living in false hope that the guy I thought the world of also thought the world of me. This was the final breaking point. Truth is you can’t lose something you never really had.

You were so undeserving of my heart, and you’ll never get that chance again. I hope you know I don’t hate you for not wanting the same thing as me, but you were the final breaking point. However, I truly hope you find that happiness you are seeking, and you’re doing well.

Here I am. My soul is lost, and numb. I have held it all in for too long, and I’m tired of pretending that I’m perfectly fine. I’m tired of being tired. I wake up in the morning contemplating if I need my job, because I don’t want to leave my house. I sleep for an insane number of hours to make the days go by faster. I take trips, because traveling has been one of the few things to keep me going. Have you ever realized the people who come off happy, and constantly build up others are the saddest? I’m not ok. I know I’m not. This is the point where I know things are going to change for the better. I accept that I am not ok. I was always afraid if I mentioned the word depression someone was going to think of me different, or think that I’m going to harm myself. I’m going to be ok it’s just going to take time.

To those of you that are fighting the daily struggle of depression, I hope you never give up.  I hope you keep fighting even when you feel like you can’t. It’s ok to not to be ok. We will get through this. You’ve just got to fight for it.

To my family,and friends that are still there THANK YOU!!! Thank you for taking my mood swings, and still showing me nothing,but love. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I promise I am working on it. I may not tell you all enough, but each of you have a special place in my heart. Even when I tend to be short,and distance myself from you. Just know I will always appreciate, and love you with everything I have.You give me a reason to always keep going.